I’m home Lord, I’m home….

I did entertain the idea of joining one of the splinter movements of Anglicanism that had rebelled against the church here in America. But then again, isn’t this just another form of Protestantism under a different guise? “We don’t like you so we’re going to stop working with you and start a church over here!” Sorry, not for me. I wanted to be a part of a body that had some strong structure to it’s hierarchy and leadership. Not another group that is driven by the personality at each parish.

So the second church that I entertained joining was the Orthodox church. Many of my friends (as seen on this blog) have made that choice, and many other friends who are not leaving Protestantism also encouraged me to look into that choice. Yet, at the end of the day I found too many things about the Orthodox church that I simply couldn’t justify to myself as things I could look past. For the benefit of those who are reading this here are a few of my reasons, since it’s a major issue for many people considering the switch to an ancient faith practice.

- Many Orthodox churches are very, very tied into their cultural settings. Greek Orthodox churches here in America will split into two churches because of peoples disagreements over what is going on over in Greek politics. Other branches will practice a liturgy that is completely in a foreign language, expecting many of the parishioners to know the language, since after all they’re from that culture. As well as many Orthodox churches (around here in particular) that simply aren’t interested in having visitors from outside their cultural paradigm. I know there are many Orthodox churches that are trying hard to be open and welcoming, but I simply don’t see it as much around here.

- I disagree with the Orthodox over their reasons for the split. As I read the history from the time and look at the overall political situation that was going on, I can’t help but feel that the split was more about the fading “eastern” Roman empire not wanting to be a part of the rising “western” Roman empire. Again, this is mostly just my opinion, but it’s something that I felt I couldn’t just accept. Oh, and I also agree with Rome on the filioque.

- Location, location, location. There simply aren’t a lot of choices around here for Orthodox churches. The St. Paul/Minneapolis metro areas is rather populous, but there are very few Eastern Orthodox churches (only a dozen I think). To me, this makes it hard to try and find a parish where you can feel at home and where you want to spend time. Plus, since many of the Orthodox churches don’t even speak to each other, you can feel quite isolated among a sea of other faiths.

So enough about why I didn’t chose Anglican or Orthodox. Why did I chose Roman Catholic?

- Liturgy. I love the formal liturgy, and the fact that the Eucharist is available almost every single day in most parishes. This is a powerful way to commune with God and I love the idea that I can partake of it often. Add to this the centrality of the Eucharist, as THE thing that we come to worship about, and I found the Catholic church quite compelling.

- Tradition. Something shared with the Orthodox as well, is a strong sense of tradition. It’s OK to acknowledge that the Bible is just one of the sources that we base our faith upon. We don’t need to hide from the spectre of “tradition” being evil or “works of man”. We can embrace our history and our heritage as Christians, descendants of the first believers of Christ, passing on their traditions and practices to those who come after us.

- Along with tradition comes structure. My personal perspective is that the more we try to do things “on our own” the more we find ourselves slipping into sin and away from God. Many of the independent churches that I saw out there got so lost in the business end of running a ministry, or protecting ones turf, or worrying about how good a show was put on the last Sunday that they miss the point. That it’s about being present with Christ, and bringing Christ into the world. In the Catholic church this is done through our sacramental living as we carry the Eucharist in our lives out into the world.

- Availability. Simply put, the Catholic church is everywhere. There are plenty of parishes to look at for a home, as well as schools, universities, social service organizations, etc,. I felt that it was a better fit for my family life to have some choices as I brought them along with me on this journey.

- Finally, as much a I admire Eastern Orthodox philosophy and theology, simply put, I’m a Western person living in a Western world. I enjoy the mystery of Orthodoxy very much, and I think that as our culture moves through this post-modern time there’s much that the Catholic church can learn from the Orthodox about simply letting things go unexplained. Perhaps in the future as things change and progress we’ll all find ourselves closer to the Orthodox idea of mystery, but for now, I’m still someone who asks questions and likes to try and find at least some semblance of concrete answers.

So that’s a pretty quick summary of what it was that brought me to my decision to join the Catholic church. I love my Orthodox and Anglican brothers and sisters, and pray that one day there will no longer be a divide between us. To be fair, there are plenty of things that I struggle with in the Catholic church as well. I’m not 100% on board with their theology of birth control, and sometimes I wish they didn’t have to explain EVERYTHING. However, I feel that this is where God has called me, and brought me at this point in my life. I finally feel like I’m somewhere that I can call home.

I did give it a try though and one of the things that I came to love was my Methodist classes that I took. One of the systematic theology professors was a Methodist pastor and offered the basic classes on John Wesley, history and polity, that every Methodist needed to get ordained. There were a couple dozen Methodist students on campus so we got to know each other pretty well, and the classes were a lot of fun, and I learned a lot. In fact I started to learn too much. The more and more I read Wesley, the more and more I was becoming convinced that the church that Wesley was a part of, and dreamed of, didn’t exist in a recognizable form in the current United Methodist Church (UMC). Wesley was an Anglican, and had a very high view of liturgy, but yet in most UMC churches today you’ll find communion once a month, and more often only once every three months. Many historical and cultural factors played into things like this, and there were many in the UMC that were seeking to bring back liturgical worship and ancient faith practices. The Order of St. Luke was even founded by some to help bring about a revival of these ideas, and so I still felt like there was hope for me in the UMC.

Things started to change more though as I went through 2006 and into 2007. I kept getting these nagging feelings that I just wasn’t going to end up in the UMC. I kept asking myself questions like, “If I really want something different than what most UMC churches do, is it right for me to force it on my congregation? Or should I just move on to where the things I hold to are more accepted and practiced?” Even though I felt in my heart that many of these questions only had on answer, I still kept ‘toughing it out’ where I was at. One thing that helped was a wonderful Small Group that I was a part of that let me do all kinds of liturgical experiments on them, however, it just made me long for more and more of what I wasn’t going to find in the Methodist church.

Over Christmas I had started really questioning things and decided to would venture into a Catholic bookstore to just browse a bit and see what I found. I had been doing a lot of reading on the Internet and in other books but wanted to see some of the material first hand. I walked out of the bookstore with a copy of the Catholic Catechism, and a book by John Neuhaus called “Catholic Matters”. I tucked these books away and started reading them little bits at a time.

In January of 2007 a bunch of us Methodist students took a trip to Chicago for a small conference on John Wesley. There were two speakers at the conference, and one of them was the author of the text that we had used in our Wesleyan theology class. We all felt this would be a great opportunity to get to hear a great speaker. I didn’t know much about the second speaker there, but that would change rather quickly.

Two of my fellow students and I packed into my minivan and we headed out. I never mentioned to them that at the time I had my two secret Catholic books packed away in my luggage. As we got close to Chicago, I asked one of them who had been to the conference before what the facility was like. He said, “Oh, it’s nice and quiet. It’s a Catholic retreat center.” At that point I think I knew I was doomed. We arrived and unpacked our things and got ready for the next couple of days. I had plenty of time to walk around the facility and see what it was about, and they even had a bookstore that I was able to spend some time in.

Very quickly I got to meet our second speaker, an author and pastor as well. However, some of the things that he was saying made me almost think that he was feeling like I was about the state of the Methodist church, and of Protestantism in general. One morning at breakfast he sat near me and I started probing a bit about his thinking about Catholicism and how many of the things that Wesley talked about seemed to lean somewhat that way. He looked at me and said, “The more you read Wesley, the more Catholic you’ll become.” Once again, the phrase, “It is useless to resist” kept popping into my head. By the end of the conference I think I knew in my heart that there was no turning back for me. He was right, the more and more I tried to fit my thinking into the Protestant church, the more and more I found myself drifting away from it. On the drive home I started thinking about how I would tell my wife and friends about all of this.

One of the side-effects of this decision is that I would be dropping out of school. However, I didn’t have to leave empty handed. Since I had already gotten enough credits from my first seminary for a Master of Arts degree, I was able to go back and simply request receiving that degree instead of the higher level degree. In many ways I knew that dropping out of seminary was the right decision, not just because of my desire to go Catholic, but also because the schedule of the second seminary had been making family life very hard. My wife was actually quite happy that it was ending, since my youngest son hadn’t even ever known a time when daddy wasn’t busy in school. She also took to the news about my Catholic desires fine, since she’s not really a detail person, and doesn’t really have a lot of strong opinions about things like that. So starting in March of 2007 our journey began to find a parish and join with the Catholic faith.

We were able to narrow down our choices and managed to find a great parish to call home. It even has a parish school where we’re sending our children. We began our RCIA classes in the fall of 2007 and coming this Easter we will be received into the Catholic church. It’s been a long, long journey, and it’s no where near where I thought I would be at the beginning. But it’s where I feel God has led us and it’s where I feel God can use me the most.

Even though this is the end of the “tale” there’s more to talk about. In particular I want to spend some time talking about why I chose the Catholic church, and in particular why I didn’t chose the Orthodox church. But again, I’ll save that for the next time…

In the Catholic church, you join by engaging in what are called the Rites of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA). Although it’s not required for people who are already baptized, most parishes simply lump both catechumens (those who are not baptized) and candidates (those coming form other traditions) together for ease of instruction. The class runs for about nine months from Fall until Spring, meeting once a week. Every parish develops it’s own RCIA class, so there are no two churches that do it exactly the same way. However, one thing that they all share is various rites that happen throughout the course of the year. So far in our class we’ve had two different rites.

The first that we had is the Rite of Acceptance. The purpose behind this rite is for us to declare to the congregation that we have decided to join the Catholic church after a period of discernment. This is a simple ritual where we stand in front of the congregation with our sponsors. A prayer is said over us, and then our sponsors make the sign of the cross over certain parts of our body, which the priest says a prayer to each area. So for example we are marked with a cross on our shoulders so that we may have strength in the Lord. Our hands are marked so that we may carry out the work of Christ, and so on. This is a very cool ceremony in my mind because of this physical aspect. We also received a nice new Bible at this ceremony (whoo hoo! Another Bible for my collection!).

The second rite that we’ve taken part in is the Rite of Sending which is combined with the Rite of Election. This rite happened just this past weekend on the first Sunday of Lent (Catholic calendar). It begins with a rite in our home congregation, where we again stand in front of the congregation and our sponsors are asked if we are ready to continue into the Catholic faith. The priest then “sends” us to the Bishop. After our mass we then proceed (after some lunch as well) down to the Cathedral of St. Paul where we partake in the Rite of Election. The main focus of this rite is for the catechumens to write their name in the parishes Book of the Elect, that they intend to be baptized this Easter. The catechumens also get to be personally introduced to the Bishop during the ceremony, and the candidates also rise and are blessed as we continue our journey.

The thing that amazed me about the Rite of Election is how many people were there. This was a ceremony just for people coming into the church and their families and sponsor, yet our Cathedral was packed full. Also consider that this same ceremony was taking place over in Minneapolis as well (our dioscce covers both Twin Cities) at the Basilica of St. Mary, full to the brim as well. It’s amazing how many people are coming to the ancient churches for their faith in this day and age.

At the time I don’t think I had consciously thought about moving towards Orthodoxy or Catholicism, but in hindsight I think some of the seeds were there. However, in 2005 something happened that shook me deeply. I was visiting my friend Wes at his church in Philly. I was going to be preaching there, giving my first real “professional” sermon, and Wes was kind enough to open his house to me for a few days while we visited for the first time in real-life (being online friends before this). The weekend that I was at Wes’ house happened to be the weekend that the Pope passed away. I remember sitting in Wes’ living room watching the coverage of the vigil, and then after his passing, and seeing thousands and thousands of people on their knees in prayer. So many people had been touched by the work and life of this Godly man, and the least they felt they could do is come and pray for him as he passed from this life. As I watched, this feeling inside me said, “I should be there. I should be a part of this. I WANT to be a part of this….”

What? I wanted to be a part of all these Catholics? I wanted to be a part of a church that we had been taught in school was a flawed church, that didn’t fully understand the Gospel message? Needless to say, I was a bit confused. Since I was in Philly for other reasons, I put the thoughts out of my head and got back to being a good little Protestant seminarian. However, when I returned I had to start seriously facing some of the questions I had been putting off since 2004, namely, where is it I am meant to serve?

As the middle of 2005 approached I had to make a choice. Complete the Master of Arts degree at Seminary, or continue on to get a Master of Divinity degree (the standard pastor degree). However, I was becoming more convinced that I wasn’t going to be comfortable in an Evangelical context. So I started seeking out other churches. I wanted a church that had what is called a ‘connectional‘ structure of ministry. Simply understood, this is a model where the pastors are placed in a church by the hierarchy, and the congregations aren’t allowed to simply fire pastors they don’t like. Plus, I wanted a church where the liturgy was practiced, at least to some degree. Various circumstances led me back to the United Methodist church, and at the time this seemed like the path for me. However, this meant I had to transfer seminaries and get my degree from a different institution. That seemed like it would work though, and at the end of 2005 I began my studies to become a Methodist pastor.

But wait? That doesn’t sound like the ending of the story yet does it? Of course it’s not, but for now this is where I’ll leave you….

The church was a Salvation Army church about a block from my apartment. The youth director and I got along quite well and as the summer progressed he invited me to come to church and Sunday school, which I did. It wasn’t many weeks before I was responding to the altar call and giving my life to Christ. Yes, I was quite young at the time, but I still remember that I knew exactly what I was doing at the time and wanted to do it. Needless to say I started getting very involved in the Salvation Army church, and eventually my mom came back to faith and eventually joined the church with me.

For those who don’t know much about the Salvation Army, it’s an evangelical movement that sprouted from Methodism in England. It maintains a military type structure in how it is organized and is very focused on serving the poor and people’s salvation. However, something was stirring in me after years and years of worshiping in this church. I was hungering for something more, deeper and richer in tradition than what they were teaching. In particular I had heard about things called “sacraments” and I wanted to learn more about what those were about. So when I was in high school I started a journey that landed me at a Lutheran Church (Missouri Synod). My best friend and his family attended this church so I was quite comfortable going there and had even been there a bit as a younger kid for Vacation Bible School and such. It was at this church that I was introduced to the Liturgy, and I fell in love with it. I worshiped at this church for most of my high school years and into college. I even attended a Missouri Synod college here in town. However, in college I started to have some internal conflicts. I loved the liturgy and deep sense of history and reverence that was present in Lutheran worship, but as I sat through my theology classes, and spent time talking to other Lutherans it became very apparent that I was different. I just couldn’t go along with the notion of sola fide or sola scriptura. I felt that human free will was more ‘free’ than what I was learning from Luther, and that my notions of sanctification just didn’t fit with those around me. So in college, in addition to keeping my membership in the LCMS, I also joined a Methodist church near campus. Feeling that maybe returning to Wesley (the grandfather of the Salvation Army) would give me some comfort, since Methodism was much more in line with what I believed.

At this point in my story “life” took over. I got married, tried doing some Seminary but dropped out, had kids and got a job and bought a house. At this point religion took a bit of a back seat for me and I just decided to go along with my wife to her church. This was a large Lutheran mega-church that had gone through a charismatic revival and was more similar to Assembly of God or Baptist or Evangelical churches than Lutheran. I met many good people here, and it was a comforting place for the two of us to be, so I decided to just stick around there.

Then in 2002, around the time my second son was born, I started on a new journey. I began going to Seminary again in a working-adults program (one night a week). It was while I was attending this Baptist seminary that everything started to change for me in terms of my perception of God and faith, and most importantly, church and the Bible. The more and more I studied and learned about God and His history with mankind, the more and more troubled I became, thinking about where I was going to end up in any type of ministry. It was at this Baptist seminary that my faith was tested and challenged and in the end I came out a different person than when I went in.

However, that’s the next part of the story….

In the next few weeks I’ll be posting my main story in three parts. First I want to examine where I’ve been in the Protestant church. Then I’ll talk about what it is that brought me to seek communion with Rome. Finally, I’m going to spend some time talking about why I made the choice for Catholicism and not for Eastern Orthodox, like many of my friends here. I do that, not to try and lift one above the other, but to simply explain what it is about Rome that I felt fit better with me than with the Eastern faiths.

I look forward to writing these posts over the next few weeks, and then sharing where I’m at in my journey as I move closer to communion this Easter.