April 26, 2008
Almost there, almost
Tonight we celebrated the lamentation service of our Lord, where throughout a beautiful and ornately decorated setting, we expressed our lament of Christ’s death through spoken words, through sung lamentations, and in the candlelit sanctuary processed under an icon of Christ’s body representing our passing into death as did Christ — an expression of sharing in His sufferings and His death.
It was one of the most beautiful services that I have been to in a long time — the sanctuary was dimly lit, candles lighting up various areas of the alter, and an ornately decorated arc-like structure covered in roses, washed over in candlelight, and containing the cross of Christ, symbolizing his burial into the tomb.
The service was nearly two and a half hours, and with just twelve hours before I become christened into the Orthodox Church, I honestly felt like I have not sufficiently prepared myself for this moment.
See, Lent was filled with a lot of good intentions and marked with a great deal of failed attempts to do exactly what Lent was designed to be: the preparing and laying down of myself on the alter of Christ, to share in His sufferings, to walk in His footsteps throughout the days of Holy Week, to die with him on that Friday, and rise with Him in His resurrection. Rather, I ended up giving up on my fast after one week, my rule of prayer was more of an after-thought and a thorn in my side, knowing that I should be praying more, reading the Holy Scriptures, and setting aside more time to prepare myself.
So after the Lamentation Service came to a close and I walked home through the cold, misty night back home, I decided to not hop on World of Warcraft for once, and to set aside the rest of the evening to prepare myself for tomorrow morning. So in my own way of preparing, I watched Mel Gibson’s brilliant depiction of “The Passion of Christ” and absorbed the spectacle, took in all of the emotions and events that transpired, and contemplated all that Christ did for me, for His people, and for the entire world; and tried to prod myself to not take His most holy and selfless act for granted.
After watching the film and contemplating the suffering and death of Christ, I decided to spend some time in prayer; and was moved to tears in seeing my own depravity and my immense need for mercy, grace, and redemption through the Body and Blood of Jesus. Guided by the evening Orthodox prayers and repentance, along with my own personal cries to the Lord, I felt more ready to enter into Orthodoxy with a heart and mind yearning for Truth, Mercy, Love and Forgiveness. And that’s my prayer, that in my chrismation and my journey as a member of the Orthodox Church, that I would both experience and radiate the truth of God, the depth of His Mercy, the endless reserves of His love, and the sweet fragrance of His forgiveness.
I do pray that tomorrow, my Chrismation and my first communion at Great and Holy Pascha would not only be a meaningful experience for me, but a life-changing one as well.
Written and posted by Michael on April 26, 2008, 12:05 am.
Filed under: Catechumen, Orthodoxy, The Journey, Transformation
2 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Erik said,
April 26, 2008 @ 1:13 pm
welcome brother. Words can’t describe. (been praying for you during my own lenten discernment, particularly this morning.) it’s a beautiful thing to share the awe. (Alleluia)
jeuby said,
May 4, 2008 @ 10:17 pm
i’m a friend of matt’s and he passed this site on to me. we grew up in the same SBC church together. i just finished reading all your posts thus far. thanks for writing. i’m not sure if i’ll jump across the protestant fence, but it’s encouraging to hear many who are on similar journeys. i have since moved beyond the SBC and become presbyterian (PCA). the same lingering questions remain but for the meantime the PCA is where i’ll be calling home as i study the ancient church. i look forward to reading more about your story.